I am Big Brother: Is Facebook Complicating our Relationships?

There is something about Facebook that just screams out “young adults misbehaving.” Let’s face it; the site itself was designed for college students. And just like in its initial days, college students are still using the website for flirting with their peers. In every class students are taught to hide their “partying frat boy ways” for their future employers, but what about their future friends and possible girlfriends? Better yet, why is it now that hiding your information on Facebook or social media networks makes just as much of a statement as if you weren’t hiding anything at all?

With Facebook we have created digital archives of our lives online. With just clicks of a mouse, people can see us go through weight gain and loss, the birth and demise of romantic relationships, and they can determine who our best friends and family members are. They can find our favorites movies and shows, they can gauge our ability to construct a sentence and our sense of humor. By accepting a friend request we invite these people to share in these pixelated scrapbooks, so when we notice someone is hiding something from us—and say, not hiding that same information from another person—it can feel like a personal attack or a instill a sense of distrust. I recently witnessed a fight that happened because one girl blocked another girl from her profile, even though they were still “facebook official” friends. I’ve also witnessed ex-girlfriends feeling scorned at an ex blocking them from seeing information on their profile. For the jilted lovers, they said it felt like it forced the question “not as to why they are hiding it [the information], but as to what it is they are hiding.”

So why is it that with Facebook a large majority of people feel almost entitled to the things they don’t expect to come up in daily face-to-face conversation? Do I expect to hear my friends tell me all about their recent conversation with their estranged cousin? Nope. What about hearing of an acquaintance’s new dog that they got over the weekend? Yeah, probably not.

Technology has made our lives easier in so many ways. Some people say it has caused a bit of an “information overload” for our society, and that is true. The easier access to information about our “friends” that Facebook has provided has made our friendships and relationships that much more complicated, and because it acts as an extension of our lives, when these friendships and relationships might end it is viewable on a public scale. Yet to not subject in this public display of information is going against the grain and leaves a feeling of being “left out.” After over a year of voluntarily being Facebook-less, my friend Jim re-activated his account. One of his reasons was “because like it or not Facebook is a way that people commonly connect with each other in today’s world, and right now I am trying to expand my social circles.”

So when people say we are nearing the approach of Big Brother a la 1984, sometimes I think Big Brother is already here, and being egged on by our constant habit of publically announcing our lives on a digital forum that is easily accessible.

But hey, I’m guilty of Facebook creeping one-too-many times, so if this easy-access information can help me weed out a poor dating-prospect early on, why not?! Plus it totally makes Christmas shopping much easier. (So keep on liking those pages girlfriend! I need gift ideas!)

Online Dating Tips from a Non-Online Dater

“College Dating,” might as well be an oxymoron because usually dating in college is virtually non-existent. For most people in their early 20’s pursuing their undergraduate degree, relationships are usually short-lived and the “hook-up culture” is prevalent. So for the girls and guys looking for that special companion, a lot have turned to online dating. Whether it is a Facebook poke or a rose on Plenty of Fish, college students (and the older “students of life”), people are looking for love in a maze of pixels.

I won’t lie, I don’t online date. Believe it or not, I am in one of those rare monogamous relationships. But seeing a lot of my peers opening up their laptops to love, I think it’s important to remember these online dating tips:

1. Don’t Send Out Your Personal Info: You think you “love” Mr. Horny4u6969 and you want to take it to the next level of your e-relationship by giving him your phone number. Giving out personal information online is still iffy, especially on dating sites because you don’t know who is trying to lure you into their bedroom (or heart). Get a Google Voice number or a Skype account to chat with potential flings so if they become crazy they won’t be tracing your number to come crawling in your window at night. The same goes for addresses and full names. If you don’t want to be easily tracked online, make sure you use a different username than your usual aliases.
2.  Use a Full Body Photo and a Face Photo: Acronyms like S.I.F (secret internet fatty) are around because people like to exaggerate and hide themselves online. A lot of people get “keyboard courage” because with the internet it’s easy to embellish yourself when nobody is there to confront you about your claims. If you’re looking for your future boyfriend, husband, or green-card ticket, being honest is the first step. Use a recent full body photograph, because if you’re using a picture of yourself 60 lbs. lighter from spring break during freshmen year of high school, when you meet face-to-face someone is going to be upset that they were misled on your appearance. And a face photo is always good; it verifies the legitimacy of your body photo and gives you an excuse to show off your beautiful eyes or freckled cheeks.
3. Be Yourself: Most online dating sites (or at least I assume) have a section for you to talk about your hobbies, interests, and give a short bio about yourself. Be honest, and most importantly be yourself when making these profiles. For example, don’t say you love long walks on the beach if you hate the feeling of sand in your toes. And if you cannot spell worth a damn, don’t have someone spell check and fix your paragraph because when you start e-mailing back and forth with an intelligent vixen she’ll be immediately turned off. The point of these profiles is to naturally weed out those who you are incompatible with, don’t lure in the wrong people with false information.

4.  Always Meet in Public: I heard an urban legend the other day about a girl who went on spring break and came back with sores around her lips. Thinking it was an STD she went to the doctor, who asked if she hooked up with anyone and if she remembered their name. Turned out those sores were common with cannibals who ate flesh, and the man she hooked up with had murdered girls and ate their flesh. The moral of the story is you never know who exactly you’re meeting with, and that you shouldn’t go home with anyone until you know “what they’re cooking up in their kitchen.” If you do decide to break that rule and meet privately, always give a good friend the name and address of where you are going and an estimated time you’ll be back.

Online Dating is starting to become less of a taboo, and more people are starting to join websites like Match.com and eHarmony looking for their perfect mate. Although most members of these sites are on it for the right reasons, with such a high volume of users there will always be a bad apple in the bunch. Staying smart, playing it safe, and being honest are all ways to be a successful online dater. And if you really want to find a nice person to date, but can’t seem to log out of your WoW session, pop on over to DateCraft and find the Paladin of your dreams – You’re welcome.

 

Classroom Blogging: Yay or Nay?

It is 2011, and we’re living in the digital age. As a communications major a big majority of my classes are now taking to the online realm for classroom assignments and participation. But I’m still working out the pros and cons of taking out the traditional elements of a classroom. I know for me, blogging is something I enjoy and puts a little more vigor in my motivation to do homework, but I know with my classmates I see some are hesitant to drop the pen and pick up the keyboard.

 

Some reasons why I love Blogging for Class:

• It is a great way to get my writing samples out there. Just Google me and you’ll get what I mean. For journalism majors that aren’t familiar with blogging or online publication, it is a good way to get their name out there while they’re still in college. Honestly, I can’t rave enough about the SEO benefits about classroom blogging.
• It is a good indicator of my classmates’s personalities. I’ve had a lot of classes in college so far, but in the ones that promoted online-discussion and social media usage between students, I ended up with more friendships and a better idea of who the people I surrounded myself with every day were.
• When I write an awesome assignment I can share it with the class, and sometimes it is super cool to see the varying opinions or ways people do their assignments. In a way it’s inspirational and shows there’s ways to differentiate from the norm and still do things correctly.
• I feel like the classes I take that require blogging, relies on a lot more writing versus the typical quizzes. I always feel like I can articulate my thoughts and knowledge more clearly in writing than circling A, B, or C on a piece of paper.

Some reasons it can suck:

• Almost all of my teachers forced students to comment on each other blogs for participation points. Seeing “oh yeah, cool post” fifteen times on my blog when I’d read and leave insightful comments on their blogs is a little wearing on the ego.
• Internet arguments are the worse and when your assignment is to blog about a controversial topic you’re bound to have someone publically disagreeing with you. The veil of anonymity the internet provides can sometimes bring out the worst in people.
• Some people are just not meant to be writers, and it shows in any assignment they post online. It makes me show a little empathy towards the professors having to grade these assignments, but it also makes me hate the institution a little more for letting those people into a “competitive admissions” college.
• Blogging is a little informal compared to the touted stack of college papers and essays. Sometimes I feel like my proper grammar and formal structuring lacks after blogging for so long.

Overall I’d say blogging for class is beneficial to me, although it may not always be for my classmates. But at the least it is something every communications major should be familiar with, if only vaguely. If you’re curious about what I’m blogging about for my classes this semester feel free to check up on me HERE.

I Will Survive: A Week Without Social Media

I took a week off from social media and I didn’t go crazy. For that I deserve some kind of prize, like free Facebook credits or a gold star sticker on my forehead. Going cold turkey from social media for me was like telling a nail biter they had to keep those phalanges away from their pearly whites. It is hard to kick a habit you consciously sometimes don’t realize you’re partaking in.

By day 3 I finally realized that the easiest way to resist the temptation is to delete all the easy-access applications and bookmarks to your favorite social media sites. Not being able to just click the Twitter application on my Android phone’s homescreen made my compulsive clicking (repeatedly hitting a login screen) next to nothing. Not having quick-access to these sites on my phone or browser made it much easier to resist. I have a habit of clicking just to click; this solved that problem real quick.

I can’t lie though, I meant to go social media-free since August and it wasn’t until I was going through a rough patch with the guy I’m dating that I had the motivation to kick the habit full-out. For anyone going through a break-up, rough patch, whatever… Hear me out–go MIA on your favorite social media networks (like right now)–it’ll help you avoid the urge to post “Debbie Downer” statuses or tweets AND it’ll keep your eyes away from you-know-who’s personal networks. While the internet stores an awesome wealth of self-help sites and motivational quotes, songs, or speeches on YouTube for the tender hearted—let’s face it—nobody wants to see your pity party all over their news feed. In all honesty, when you’re feeling down the best thing to do is focus on yourself rather than crafting the ultimate 140-character tweet to make it seem like your life is awesome when it isn’t (seriously, that isn’t good for you).

Results of my experiment:

• I really missed tweeting out dumb thing my classmates do or say (like the infamous “pissblanket”), I actually started writing things down in my notebook that I would have usually tweeted out.
• I was out of the loop with news. I was the last to know about Steve Jobs stepping down I’m pretty sure.
• I focused more on the relationships at hand for the week, rather than juggling online conversations while hanging out with someone.
• I realized sometimes I almost feel an obligation to be active on social media. To cut it out was a little therapeutic. I wasn’t tweeting or taking photos of what I was doing, but rather taking a part in it. I saw the world through my eyes, and not a camera lens like I sometimes tend to do.
• I missed using Twitter more than Facebook.
• I made more phone calls and texted my friends more, rather than finding someone on Facebook chat or Twitter to kill my time with, and in such I spent more time with my friends and strengthened some of those relationships with people I didn’t know too well yet.
• I almost felt bad when I couldn’t tweet out about how awesome this restaurant Smashburger was (delicious!)
• I did a ridiculous amount of online shopping this week, I still don’t know if that is in correlation with anything.
• Since getting back into the social media game, I’ve been less active. Oh damn, there goes my Klout score.

Overall I think I would do another social media free week. Oddly enough, I was approached by a professor to discuss the benefits of using social media during my supposed week free from it. Trying to explain certain features of Facebook and then backing it up with “I’d show you right now, but I don’t have a Facebook currently,” makes for a confused 50-something-man left with vague ideas of what I’m trying to explain.  Hopefully the next time around I won’t have that problem, and hopefully next time my reason for going SM-free will be because I’m too busy vacationing in a tropical wonderland. (Unfortunately, that’s probably not going to happen.)

Ridiculous fears for Petty Tears

With my week of no-social media drawing closer, it makes me mildly fearful, anxious, and excited to know how I will react. My boyfriend thinks I’ll go crazy, my roommate thinks she might go crazy, and I just have no clue what I think about it. But it made me start thinking about how ridiculous some of my fears are in the process. Does a week left out in the wilderness without any technology (flashlight, grill, etc.) scare the shit out of me? Yes. So a week just without social media (well any internet really) shouldn’t drive me to the brink of insanity… I think it shouldn’t at least.

But I am a Taurus and because of that I have been born nothing short of stubborn, so I won’t back down from this challenge… But I will admit I might back-down if it involves any of these other fears of mine:

• Spiders… Well, Toilet-Dwelling Spiders. I once heard a myth about a breed of spiders that liked to nest underneath the rim of a toilet bowl; only sprouting up to bite an unsuspecting victim when essentially they moon them with their pale asses (see: sit on el’ toilet-o). After hearing this story I tried to avoid going to the bathroom as long as I could, but one can only hold a 32 oz. Mountain Dew in their system for so long. I also scream like a little girl at 20 when I see a spider outside of a toilet too, which is why I could never be a Fear Factor contestant.
• Dying Unbeknownst to All: They say dying alone is one of the biggest fears in our society. It is not necessarily dying alone that scares me (and if you don’t want to die alone, be sure to drink the kool-aid—you can die with everyone!). But rather dying and nobody knowing, I’m afraid of dying and my body decomposing in some place or another for weeks before anyone found out. I at least want to be able to have an open-casket funeral; nobody wants to look at my rotting flesh from baking in the sun for two weeks at my last-hoorah.
  Side note: Not sure if that also constitutes as dying alone.
• Ordering Take-Out Food from the Phone: I’m a switchboard operator and I cannot order food via phone. My brother can attest to this – He’s been ordering all of our Chinese food, pizza, and everything else since we were kids. I also couldn’t answer the door for the pizza man until I was at least 16. I stepped up to this challenge once during my first internship where I had to order lunch for the bossman. Fortunately I kept my anxiety under control and never had to order him food again.
• Driving over bodies of water (boats excluded): I have accepted the fact that I’m not Jesus and therefore I can’t walk on water. In that fact that I’m not Jesus also means I will die without being resurrected and in such am capable of drowning. I think my fear of driving over water worsened after the Minneapolis bridge collapse (driving over water = driving on bridges). Suffocating and drowning in a car underwater? Two of my least favorite ways to die packed into one. Maybe if I die this way the universe will showcase its fine taste in irony by playing that one Armor for Sleep song on the radio.
• 

  Old Photo, Same Nose.

  Breaking my nose: Sure this must sound a little vain. But I have a wee little elfin nose that I’ve come to be quite fond of over the years. If you catch me from my profile it curves up just the slightest! Break any other bone but that one, please. I try to avoid any blunt objects to the face area for this sheer reason. Also could be considered a fear of having a weird and/or irregularly shaped nose.

I have many fears I didn’t list here (like going blind), but whatever the reason may be, many of my fears revolve around the idea of death. My Aunt says it is because I was raised Catholic, a religion that likes to focus on death and how we need to behave now on Earth or repent for our sins in Hell. But I’d like to think that they all wrap up into a fear of the unknown (or that I watch too many morbid movies).

Do you have any fears you’re not afraid of admitting to? 

Going Rogue: A Week Without Social Media

I just recently took a 6-day trip to visit some family in Milwaukee, WI. After slaving away most of my summer days in a classroom and office, I figured a vacation to a place where I could score free boarding (casa del el aunto’s = my aunt’s house) would be a good breather from both my stressful summer and the hot weather in St. Louis.

So earlier this summer my main man (see: boyfriend) told me I spent too much time glued to my phone and more specifically to Twitter. As much as I hate to admit when I am wrong, he was right – at times I am nothing more than a mere extension of the technology I hold in my hand.  So throughout the summer I’ve tried to minimize the time I spent on my phone around my loved ones, because I realized that by maintaining my online relationships I was seemingly damaging the relationships the people I was standing in a room with. So I told myself to minimize the tweeting and the texting while on vacation. (For whatever reason I can’t resist the opportunity for a foursquare check-in though.)

Social media and even texting have given us a wonderful gift that at times can act as a burden. Since coming into college the idea of “courting” a woman has been lost, flirting lost to wayside of Facebook pokes and emotionless text messages. According to the times I’m supposed to be wooed by smiling emoticons and text message lingo.

Scenic Lake Michigan

Limiting my social media usage for 6 days wasn’t too hard, but I was out of my usual environment where there is responsibilities and well… lots of boredom. But earlier this summer my boyfriend proposed we both forego social media for a week. I originally seemed petrified by the idea, “A WHOLE WEEK?!” Why who would get to hear funny quips about my day (Twitter usually gets the brunt of these), what would I do to pass the time? Unfortunately, or fortunately the idea warmed up on me and as the last days of my internship and my online summer class (Women in Literature) comes nearer, so does the countdown to a week without social media.

The rules are as such:

Okay, we haven’t set any rules in stone. But both of us (assuming he still participates) are supposed to change each other’s passwords and when the week is up change them back! Easy enough, right?

The problem here is that I’m left with a week to figure out what to do with the time previously occupied by social media and playing mid-day Tetris on my laptop. Or wondering if I have to give people my phone number to contact me out of Facebook or Twitter? Or what about e-mails, can I respond to those? I need my Groupon fix, “OH THE DEALS I JUST CAN’T RESIST THEM!”

So my online class ends August 9^th and soon after I’m forfeiting a week up of social media and the like. As a born-geek, it’ll be weird not clogging up my time glued to a computer and it’ll be interesting to see what I decide to occupy my time with instead. (Mad Men on Netflix? Good possibility.) I can certainly guarantee it won’t start a “I Hate Technology” crusade because I rely on microwaves, cars, A/C and the what-not too much, but maybe it’ll make all those things I get so nostalgic over—like riding a bike, reading a paperback book and relaxing outside—more of a common thing, if not for just a week.

I’ll let you know how it goes, and hopefully it’ll give me a little more motivation to clean up my living quarters.

ATTN: Dear Universities, Get Social or Get Gone.

Whether anyone wants to accept it or not, it is 2011 and social media is taking the world by storm. Sit down during any commercial break and you’ll see at least two or three businesses saying to “like” them on Facebook. Universities and colleges around the country are still finding their niche in the digital spectrum. College is a social hub for 18-23 year olds (give or take). I know I have met numerous new people, participated in campus activities, did stereotypical college things, and did not-so-typical things in college. But is it damaging for these colleges to lack a social media presence? I think the answer is yes and here’s why:

1) Recruitment: We’re not Ivy leagues, and not everyone is going to fawn after attending our university. The days have passed where mailed brochures are the most effective medium. Universities need to find these teens where they hang out, and nowadays that place is the internet (and for geeks like me, this is where I’ve always been).

2) Building Community: Admissions advisors are now starting Facebook groups for incoming freshmen so they can build relationships pre-moving in and work on Q&A. Sites like Twitter and Facebook allow users to interact with local businesses and residents, for universities that means establishing relationships. You want your neighborhood to love you, be a part of the community, don’t overpower it.

3) Engaging that Community: I have at-replied my university on Twitter handfuls of times, usually to no-avail. With social media, everyone is now available to be your critic and your biggest fan at the drop of a dime. As a university, college, business, person, it is important to protect your brand and respond to both the bad and the good. Just because you ignore the negative comments, does not mean that other people will not see those and judge you based upon it. Talk to your followers, fans, and your community. Don’t put out information; ask their input on that information. Be a conversationalist, not a lecturer.

4) Showcasing Personality: Some students don’t get the opportunity to tour every campus and the only feel they get of a university is via brochures, websites, and telephone calls to the admissions office. There is a more low-key vibe with social media, and it can allow for these snooty up-tight institutions to add a little personality (pizazz) to their image. A pop-culture reference or joke every once in a while won’t hurt, but rather can add to the appeal of your university.

I’ve recently gotten the opportunity to become a student ambassador for the website, Zinch.com. The whole idea behind Zinch is that every student is “more than a test score.” They built a social networking site where prospective students can set up profiles, along with colleges looking for recruiting opportunities. To interact with an actual human being from the university adds a much more personable level to the institution, and I know that’s what I wanted in a college – just sayin’.